I’ve read “The Parker Grey Show” book.
And I love it. The book is brilliant and inspiring. I learned some bastardize philosophy from Lil and a little creativity from Parker.
Sometimes I saw myself in the character of Parker. Like every bookworm’s said, “Sometimes you find yourself in the book.” True. It was never written for me, it was not my story, it was all fictional, but I saw myself in it.
I also lie like her and pretend that I’m someone else. In my elementary days? I lied to my friends that I could see fairies and that I could talk to them and they believed me. They even followed me. Funny.
I also believed that I’m a different person residing in a body. That the body isn’t mine. I did this when I’m in trouble. I also did this when my teacher scolded me. My mantra? “This is not you, they see no you, they see somebody’s body, don’t worry. This is not you.” Then I felt fine.
I also pretend that I am a different person. I did this on my second year high. I got tired from being quiet and shy girl (introvert), so I decided that I would try to be fun and outgoing, to try to have a group of friends, which backfired. People didn’t like the change. My boyfriend thought I was fun and outgoing, he asked me questions and even thought that I’m mad when I’m being me, quiet, just sitting and enjoying the silence. But honestly, I was just tired from being who I was not.
In this, I remembered Trudy’s words from the book, ”That’s what you do wrong. You try to be someone else, and then you end up distorting yourself. That’s what happened with your last boyfriend. You were trying to be someone else. From the get-go, you were trying to be what you thought he wanted you to be, instead of just being who you are.”
I also felt that I have something that I needed to find but I don’t know what it is. Like I needed to find me.
And like Parker, I also have words in my head, one word, two words, and phrases. All are just words and phrases but no complete thought. One time I wrote them down on my notebook but they didn’t make any sense. They were just words sewn together. They didn’t even look like a poem to me.
But unlike Parker, I didn’t have the gift.
But unlike Parker, I couldn’t find what I’m looking for. Yet.