Ask Me シ   Randomness of my thoughts..... I’m introvert, have a difficulty in expressing myself, always daydreaming, and weird. I’m a Book-lover and my favorites are the books that made into movies. I like Manga and Anime especially the comedy-fantasy-romance or the comedy-drama-romance genre. I also like watching Korean dramas (stay awake all night just to finish one). I love the 2pm, 2am, Miss A and the JYP Entertainment. . I’m also a pet-lover. I have 5 cats and 2 dogs. Taking care of them made me forget a stressful event and looking at them made me feel relieved. Sometimes I write poems when I’m bored. I love the rain (I like watching it pours down) It made me calm. “Who I am... in the eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love and watch me rise again.”


    OK. I was nervous. It was a long line. But thanks to Mrs. Canta for being my instant companion and also, to this cute guy (whatever-his-name) sitting next to me. We were waiting for 4 hours, but we passed the time joking and laughing to shake off our nervousness. It was a fine day getting to know strangers.

    — 3 months ago
    Sometimes You Find yourself in the book.

    I’ve read “The Parker Grey Show” book.

    And I love it. The book is brilliant and inspiring. I learned some bastardize philosophy from Lil and a little creativity from Parker. 

    Sometimes I saw myself in the character of Parker. Like every bookworm’s said, “Sometimes you find yourself in the book.” True. It was never written for me, it was not my story, it was all fictional, but I saw myself in it.

    I also lie like her and pretend that I’m someone else. In my elementary days? I lied to my friends that I could see fairies and that I could talk to them and they believed me. They even followed me. Funny.  

    I also believed that I’m a different person residing in a body. That the body isn’t mine. I did this when I’m in trouble. I also did this when my teacher scolded me. My mantra? “This is not you, they see no you, they see somebody’s body, don’t worry. This is not you.” Then I felt fine.

    I also pretend that I am a different person. I did this on my second year high. I got tired from being quiet and shy girl (introvert), so I decided that I would try to be fun and outgoing, to try to have a group of friends, which backfired. People didn’t like the change. My boyfriend thought I was fun and outgoing, he asked me questions and even thought that I’m mad when I’m being me, quiet, just sitting and enjoying the silence. But honestly, I was just tired from being who I was not.

    In this, I remembered Trudy’s words from the book, ”That’s what you do wrong. You try to be someone else, and then you end up distorting yourself. That’s what happened with your last boyfriend. You were trying to be someone else. From the get-go, you were trying to be what you thought he wanted you to be, instead of just being who you are.”

    I also felt that I have something that I needed to find but I don’t know what it is. Like I needed to find me.

    And like Parker, I also have words in my head, one word, two words, and phrases. All are just words and phrases but no complete thought. One time I wrote them down on my notebook but they didn’t make any sense. They were just words sewn together. They didn’t even look like a poem to me.

    But unlike Parker, I didn’t have the gift.

    But unlike Parker, I couldn’t find what I’m looking for. Yet.

    — 4 months ago with 1 note
    Somewhere out there - Unrecognizable

    I need some change of scene.

    Deep within, I know there is something I needed to find but I don’t know what it is. I need some air. I need some space to breathe. I’m stuck. I don’t know where to go. I needed something new. I want something fresh. I need change.

    This kind of feelings… like I need to find my soul.

    — 4 months ago
    Moving On

    Now I decided,

    I will try to ignore

    I will try to move on

    Maybe it was all there is to it

    Maybe this is the end

    For my hope,

    For my dream,

    To finally have a happy ending with you

    Our journey ends here.


    *an excerpt from = “answer to a birthday letter received 8 years ago”

    — 4 months ago

    Since High school disappointed ako sa kanya.

    Disappointed ako kasi pinili niyang paniwalaan yung mga bagay na nakikita niya nuon highschool, kesa itanong sa akin kung bakit, paano at ano ang totoo.

    At yung hindi ko matanggap ay yung sinabi niya na: “Galit kasi yan sa mas maganda sa kanya!”

    Grabehan, ganun yung attitude ko kasi nabu-bully ako. Galit ako kasi nabu-bully ako ng patago and I was fighting back openly kaya nagfire-back sakin at ako yung lumabas na masama.

    Disappointed ako kasi mag-best friend kami pero nasabi niya yun without asking me kung bakit at ano ba talaga yung totoo. Naiwan ako. HIndi ko man lang naipagtanggol ang sarili ko.

    Disappointed ako dahil naniwala siya sa kubng ano yung nakikita niya sakin nung highschool. Inisip na niya agad at pinabayaan ako kaya No Choice ako.

    Nanatili ako sa isang sitwasyon at relasyon na sobrang ikinalito ko pero walang choice kasi walang ibang kakampi kundi iyon at walang ibang poprotekta sakin kundi iyon.

    Hindi ako galit  kasi hindi ko naman magawang magalit sa kanya, disappointed lang talaga.

    — 4 months ago
    Sa langit

    Paano kaya mapapansin
    Pag-ibig kong itong lagin bitin
    Panay sulyap, puro tingin
    Hindi na talaga lilingunin

    Lagi na lang nasasaktan
    Puso kong itong nagdurusa
    Lagin pinipilit
    Pag-ibig ko sa’yo ay dinggin

    Hihintayin na lang kita sa langit
    Marahil doon puro pag-ibig
    Siguro naman ako ay pansin
    Pagbibigyan sa aking mga hiling

    Paano kaya mararamdaman
    Pag-ibig mong aking asam
    Marahil nga doon na lang sa langit

    Lagi na lang kitang nakikita
    Tila ba isang madilim na ulap
    Walang kasinag-sinag
    Para sa aking pag-asa

    Ako ay may kaba, ako ay nag-aalala
    Kung tayo ba ay magkikita sa langit
    Doon sa langit, sana sa langit

    Ang tanging pag-asa ko na lang ay langit…

    — 4 months ago
    #sa langit  #moonstar88